How to speak French with confidence: step 2

In this series, my goal is to give you some background and resources to help you build up confidence to speak French. Feel better about the French you can speak and overcome your inferiority complex! I’ll explain why the French are so rigid about their language and how you should react like a French person would! (hint: say “Merde”)

If you haven’t already, read step 1.

How knowing about the cultural background will help you speak French with more confidence

Put yourself in the shoes of your French conversation partner for a moment. That’s a classic conflict resolution technique. First, try to see the situation from your opponent’s perspective to get a better understanding of what’s going on. Then adjust your way of thinking and behaviour to avoid your emotions from “hijacking” your brain. As a result a “freeze, fight or flight” response would be triggered making you lose your ability to speaking French for instance.

Changing your mindset will result in lowering your stress level and instinctive reactions. Consequently, thoughts will flow better in your brain, giving you greater fluency.

Why are French obsessed with grammar rules?

The French society is very normative

First, you need to know we’re taught from early on to adhere to social norms (la norme in French) for fear of being ostracized or ridiculed. It’s good to show you have personnality but if you’re overly “unique”, you will be labelled un.e original.e (politically correct word for a weirdo). “The norm” is present everywhere. In the way you have to dress, what you study (good students have to study maths, latin and German then go to a “Grande Ecole””regardless of their interests in life, etc), your family life (a man-a woman-kid(s)… Although it’s more progressive now it’s a constant battle against a fringe of very vocal conservative French people… 

There’s a big emphasis put on grammar at school

Of course it also extends to the language. For example, during our primary school years (6-10 years old), we study grammar extensively. We, too, had to memorize the irregular verbs, including in the passé simple!) and every week we write dictées (dictations). These are often kids’ nightmare! Indeed, the teacher reads a text while students write it. They try to remember all the rules about spelling and verb agreements and to differentiate homophones (same sound, different spelling). The teacher then crosses off all your mistakes with a red pen. When I was a kid they would even tell every student’s mark publicly in front of the class. Starting at 20 for perfect, it would sometimes end up below 0, a rather traumatizing experience for many… Yet we learn that making mistakes and correcting them is how you learn. Eventually most students become able to speak and write French fluently.

This is a typical French notebook…
Don’t you dare stepping out of line or you will lose marks!
The space on the left (la marge – the margin – is reserved for dates and teacher’s remarks). Totally not dyslexic- or creative personality-friendly…

In short, there’s a belief that we, French kids, had to suffer learning French the hard way… So why should you, foreigners, be given a free pass? 

In a typical French mind, there is a correlation between a person’s mastery of the language and their supposed level of intelligence.

There is this belief that if you were not able to learn the rules (especially spelling) as a kid, you’re either stupid or lazy . Therefore you can’t be trusted to conduct business with or to be given responsibilities.

Let me tell you a little anecdote. Just yesterday I had lunch at the coworking space where I go sometimes. I ended up talking about my job to a coworker. The guy thought at first I was teaching other French people to speak better French. “Much needed!” he said. Then he started telling me about how sometimes he’s browsing websites where people sell second-hand items. He mentioned that some sellers write “serious buyers only” in their ad. And yet they make so many mistakes when they write that you can’t take THEM seriously as sellers, he said. In order to increase your sales, make sure you proofread all your ads on Le bon coin (the French equivalent to Craigslist)…


When you read comments on Facebook, you’ll see many posters belittling others who write n’importe comment (not following the rules). All that because they make many spelling mistakes. In France, if you can’t write properly, most people won’t even look at what you’re saying. Indeed if you can’t write, it means you can’t think properly and your opinion is automatically invalidated.

I’m aware that at this point you might feel discouraged. However I just want you to know that whoever says you don’t speak French well might actually not be better than you… Also know it’s not personal, they’d say the same about another native francophone…

That being said, if you want to have an office job in France and can’t spell, you’d better invest in a good grammar- and spellchecker. The Quebecois I know love Antidote*.

As French people we also have to be careful how we sound. One of the first thing many Provinciaux (French who don’t live in the greater Paris area) tend to do when moving to the capital city is trying to reduce their regional accent. They do so to blend in and avoid stereotypes. At least, as a foreigner you have an “exotic” accent. Depending on where you come from you might have to work a little harder to improve your pronunciation though.

All you need is that people can easily identify words when you speak. You don’t need to lose your accent completely as long as you’re easily understood*.

* Quite the contrary, if you believe the British comedian Paul Taylor who’s making a valid point in this video!

French people are rude when they correct your French or they switch to English? Maybe it’s not you, it’s them!

The “petit chef” syndrome

Petit chef is hard to translate in English. In a company, it’s usually a person in lower- to middle-management who doesn’t have much power. Yet, using whatever little authority they may have, they boss around other employees who have a lower status than them. 

Well, when you meet one of these petit chef-type personnalities, as a foreigner you’re the underling. They have the upper hand and it will make them feel better to be arrogant with you. Nothing personal!

The monolingual type

Or maybe you’ll meet people who don’t speak another language. Maybe they haven’t been exposed to many foreigners. They’re genuinely struggling to understand you while someone else would find it easy. So they can’t speak another language while you can have a conversation in 2 or more and they’re the ones giving you lessons? Again, it doesn’t mean you can’t speak French.

The awkward helpers

Other people might think they’re helping you by pointing your problems. Knowing the stigmas attached to not speaking perfectly, they might want to help you fix your mistakes. That way other people won’t think you’re stupid. The problem is they’re not doing it with empathy.

Others might want to seize the opportunity to practice their English (which, by the way, will probably be worse than your French). Or to ease what they perceive as discomfort on your end. If you speak French with confidence, they’ll be less likely to switch to English.

My only advice: ignore all of them, find someone who can give you honest feedback and keep learning strategically to acquire new skills. Build up your French little by little to speak more confidently.

Embrace being a foreigner speaking French and speak with confidence!

Good news for you, dear polyglot, you’re not French! Yes, it can be an advantage!

It means you don’t have to follow “The Norm”. Indeed every step outside the beaten track might at first induce some discomfort and incomprehension from your French conversation partner. However if you own it, it will just be considered “quirky” or “cute” or “so American/British/Spanish/Brazilian/ etc!” (“but that’s why you’re interesting so I’m going to keep talking to you, please come to my house for an apéro”).

In addition, you can use self-deprecating humour and second degré. “Second degree” is a form of humour similar to irony where you say something very shocking in a specific tone so that people understand you mean the opposite. They are very common in France, these are handy tools to use in uncomfortable situations. They nonetheless require some practice and you can’t use that with people who don’t know you.

Also, take advantage of the French culture of addressing problems head on. Have serious conversations, do not shy away from respectfully expressing your opinion. As a consequence you will be respected for standing your ground. This will undoubtedly give a boost to your ability to speak French with confidence.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking French with some friends or colleagues, why not talk about it frankly with them?
Now that you’ve been in their shoes, why not invite them to be in yours?

* I’m not making any money for recommending this product, just passing on what I heard.

About Cathy

Cathy Intro is a certified Neurolanguage® coach helping aspiring French speakers improve their language skills to live their life and socialize in French with confidence. She has a strong focus on active listening, cultural awareness and self-understanding. She believes clear grammar foundations are key to reaching fluency in French but that it shouldn't be taught with a linear textbook-approach method. Her role as a coach is to empower the learner, ignite curiosity and provide support to reach the objectives with no waste of time and efforts, in a positive and fun environment.

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